JNB

I arrived from Frankfurt a half hour earlier than I thought. And I while I had told Helen I would grab a shower at the South African Airways lounge and be cleared through customs by 9:30, in my rush I ran right by the lounge and out into the arrivals hall at 7:30. Rang Helen and she was still getting ready. So, I found a nice spot at a very nice Intercontinental Hotel just across from the arrivals hall and am now having a deliciously strong coffee and water with NO GAS. I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone would find the bubble water refreshing. Joburg strikes me a bit like LA -- saw some stunning women in the airport. The weather is damp, but clear. I think rains went through last night -- very pretty countryside. Will chill here at the Intercontinental until Helen arrives to whisk me back to her new little cottage on the outskirts of Joburg for a shower, lunch and what I'm sure will be an incredible chat.

My First Reunion -- Aunt Helen

I land in Johannesburg at 8:35 a.m. on Wednesday morning, the 31st of March. Since I have an 8-hour layover, my aunt Helen, Michael's sister, will meet me at the airport to take me out to lunch and to show me around the city. I can't wait to meet her -- she will be the first of many "reunions," and has been such an amazing support to me over the past few months. (In the photo, she is with my second cousin, Leah, who lives in Austin Texas). She and Jennifer were best friends growing up, and she was the first in whom Jennifer confided about me. Here's Helen's description of when she and Jennifer spoke of me before her death:

I will share with you, when I see you, the conversations I had with Jen in

the November 2008 before she died. It was when I went to visit her on the

farm in Livingstone. They were brief conversations, she in her wheel chair

with the dogs and me walking alongside her. It was on one of those walks

that she told me your birth date and where you were born. When I asked if we

could look for you she said that she would like us to. By this stage she

hadn't told Nina and Liam. She felt it was time to tell them so that they

could ask any questions. She was the only person who could answer their

questions. They would have known about you one day and then she wouldn't be

there to talk to them. She expressed how much she had wished Michael was

beside her when she broke the news because she was very nervous, but Chris

helped her through it I know. He was wonderful for her and to her.

 So you are totally right, none of this might have happened if she hadn't
been dying. It feels strange. Fantastic though that something so sad can
bring about some happiness for you and Colette. Your worlds are opening up.

Can't wait to see you, Helen!

Nina's Contact with Mom on August 8, 2009

Here's the email from Nina to mom and dad after they spoke for the first time via phone....

Dear Robert and Jeanette



How lovely to chat to you! You sound so nice!


My name is Nina. I was born on 21 October 1972, to Jennifer Denise Read and Michael David Gibson. My father was at University in Grahamstown at that time, and their parents would not give their consent for them to marry. They thought that they were too young. My mother was born in 1951. My brother (your son) was born at the Lady Chancellor on 15 April 1970.


According to the register in Harare, he was adopted by” Robert Matthew Sydney Bell, a medical doctor and his wife Jeanette Bell. They were living in North Avenue, Salisbury.”


My mother only told me about her son, in January this year. She died in May. I was very happy to hear about him, and have been looking for him ever since.
Sadly, both my parents have died. My father died of pancreatitis (viral) in 1995, and my mother died 2 months ago from Motor Neurone Disease. They were both wonderful people, and I will send pictures of them for you.

 I have a younger brother, by 11 years. His name is Liam. He is also living in Zambia.

We were all living in Zim up until 7 years ago, when things got too tough. We lost our family farm in Darwendale during the land redistribution efforts. I now live in Kitwe, Zambia.



I got in touch with you via Paul Davies who remembered Robert. He actually looked on the Godfrey Huggins School website. Did you go there Robert? Paul is an anesthetist from Harare, but now lives in New Zealand.






I will attach some pictures for you.






I so look forward to hearing from you.






Kind regards, Nina.

Jennifer & Michael

I don’t know much about my biological mother and father, Jennifer & Michael. From what I can tell from my brief interactions with Nina and Liam, they must’ve been pretty incredible people. It honestly feels odd referring to them as “mom and dad,” so I will refer to them by name throughout this blog.



Jennifer met Michael through her best friend, and my aunt, Helen. Jennifer spent a great deal of time at the Gibson’s home growing up – the Gibsons’ home was always full of activity and food and was a nice diversion for Jennifer, who was an only child. Her father died while her mother, Grace, was giving birth. And Grace went on to raise Jennifer largely on her own.


When they fell pregnant, both sets of parents forbade Michael and Jennifer from marrying as Jennifer was still in high school, and Michael away at University in Cape Town. As a result, they had no choice to give me up for adoption as marriage was the only acceptable social structure within which to bring a child into the world of late 60s Rhodesia. While pregnant with me, Jennifer stayed with family friends at a farm in Rhodesia, Darwindale, that she and Michael would go on to manage as on-site managers, and then bought in the mid 90s just prior to Michael’s all-too-early death. He was 45.


Jennifer and Michael married in 1972, and had Nina. Liam came along 10 years later in 1982.


As Granny Grace tells it, (though I have a feeling she might have a penchant for well-intended dramatization), after Michael’s death, Jennifer went on to build Darwindale into one of the largest tobacco farms in Zimbabwe. Sadly, she lost the farm to Mugabe in 2001, and fled with all the animals she could fit into her trucks. She and her partner, Chris, landed in Livingstone, Zambia where they bought a farm on the banks of the Zambizi River, where Chris and Liam now live.


Jennifer died in May, 2009 after a difficult bout with Lou Gehrig’ disease. She was only 59. Shortly before her death in November, 2008, she and Helen went for a walk – Jennifer in her wheelchair surrounded by her dogs (they called her the “hairy dog mother” as she was always in the company of her four-legged friends) -- on the farm in Zambia. That’s when Jennifer told Helen about me (I don’t believe she’d shared the story with anyone up until that point). Helen asked if it would be OK with Jennifer if they looked for me. Jennifer said she hoped they would, and shared with Helen how scared she was to tell Nina and Liam about me after keeping my adoption a secret for so many years.


As Nina told me the first time we spoke on the phone, she was blown away that her mom had kept my secret from she and Liam for all those years. Helen told me that Michael struggled for many years with my adoption and many times wanted to reach out and find me, though Jennifer convinced him otherwise. I think this was out of an immense, unwavering respect for my parents, Robert and Jeanette, and an unwavering commitment to the decision she made on April 25, 1970 to give me up for adoption.


In much the same way, I was at peace with being adopted, and out of a great appreciation and respect for the pain that Jennifer and Michael must’ve gone through in making the decision to give up their first-born child, I chose to not pursue Jennifer or Michael out of respect for their decision. It’s uncanny how we both had the same mindset, yet so very sad that it kept us from ever meeting again. In the end, though, that was Jennifer’s wish. As Nina says, “all Mum’s need their secrets.”


Paul, Nina’s best friend, and our host in Harare, says he envisions the three of us – Liam, Nina and myself – together at Jennifer’s grave on the farm in Livingstone. It’s hard for me to imagine how that’s going to feel – surrounded by my siblings in the presence of a woman whose determination, strength and love for her children brought us together after 40 years.

Extended Family -- Liam

Liam lives on the farm in Livingstone with his girlfriend, Ashleigh. Here's a recent photo of the two of them looking just about as content with one another than anyone I've ever seen. And another of Liam on his new horse, a birthday present from Ashleigh.

Extended Family -- Nina & Simon

Here are some pics of the extended family. I'm so lucky to have another gorgeous sister, Nina. Here she is (tall one in khaki green) with her boyfriend, Simon (far right in tan shorts with red flag in hand), while on a airplane relay race in Zim in 2009. And here's the gorgeous couple again, this time on holiday in Zanzibar for New Years, 2010.

T Minus 17 Days

Wow. It's hard to believe that in a few weeks I will step off a plane in Harare, Zimbabwe and begin a trip, and a life experience, I never imagined. For those who don't know the story, I was born in what was Salisbury, Rhodesia on April 15, 1970 and adopted 10 days later by Robert and Jeanette Bell. Mom and Dad had moved to Rhodesia 17 years prior to escape the smog and gloom of post-War London to pursue sunnier, happier days. They had an amazing life in Salisbury -- a successful business, beautiful home and many of the trappings of colonial life. But, in 1972 they had the foresight to envision an even better life for me, and my newly adopted sister, Colette, in America. They made a very difficult decision to leave their home, belongings, and life they built in the country they loved, and left Salisbury in December, 1972 to build a new life in up-state New York.

Fast forward to August, 2009. In the lull following a busy reunion at my parents' home in the Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona with me, my sister Colette and her family from Chicago, mom received a call very early in the morning of the 8th. The caller was Nina Gibson from Kitwe, Zambia. Mom still describes Nina's "gorgeous, calm Rhodesian accent and her poise" during the call. In short, Nina told mom that she believed she was my sister. After 30 minutes of fact sharing, dates lining up and continued conversations, mom and dad were convinced Nina was indeed my sister.

I woke up that morning to a series of voicemails and emails from mom and dad urging me to call them. They seemed happy and excited, so I was convinced the news was good. I suspected a multi-million dollar lottery payout was imminent. Turns out, it was far more than that.

I am indeed blessed to have another sister, Nina Gibson, and a brother, Liam Gibson. They each live in Zambia now after having fled unimaginable loss in Zimbabwe. Nina, a few years younger than me, lives with her partner Simon in Kitwe, northern Zambia. Liam, in his late 20s, manages my birth mother's farm in Livingstone, Zambia along the banks of the Great Zambizi River with his girlfriend, Ashleigh.

There is, though, a sad part to the story. My birth father, Michael, died in 1995. And my birth mother, Jennifer, died in May, 2009. Shortly before her death, she sat Nina and Liam down and told them about the baby she and Michael gave up for adoption a few years before they were eventually married. Nina told Jennifer she would find me and tell me what an amazing mother she was.

And, so here I sit. On the verge of a trip back to the country of my birth -- a place both my sets of parents loved so dearly -- to meet an extension to my family that I NEVER imagined existed. I arrive in Harare on March 30. Nina and my parents (who arrive a few hours before me) will meet me at the airport. Colette will join us a week later. We will stay in the lap of luxury in Harare at Nina's amazing friends', Paul's and Jan's, home. We will see it all -- from our childhood home, to my parents' old business, to the hospitals where we were born. We will see Jennifer and Michael's old farm in Zimbabwe (now owned by Mugabe) and their homes in Harare. We will spend a week on safari, hang out at my brother's' farm, visit Nina's home in Kitwe, meet my grandmother in Harare and my Aunt in Cape Town. I will spend my 40th birthday in Zambia surrounded by my new extended family. How cool is that? I'm so fortunate that my parents, and Colette, will join me and share in the experience with me. I will do my best to post regularly to the blog whenever an Internet connection is available.

Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement. Each of you has played a part in making this trip possible. But most importantly, thanks to Mom and Dad for your remarkable openness and acceptance of what for many might have been disturbing events, and for giving Colette and me such amazing opportunities and your unconditional love. Without you guys, none of this would've been possible. I love you so much.